I'm No Good At Being Sick

Hello long forgotten blog. It's funny actually, when I finally put my blog book in the budget, I stop blogging. Goodness, what will it be like if we have more kids. I can't imagine finding the time do blog as well. Digital photos I'm pretty sure were a bad thing invented. It causes a lot more work!

Anywho, what's brought me here is pretty much being so bored because I'm so sick. I got sick 2.5 weeks ago with chest pains from what I believe to be a panic attack that led to 2 ER visits, and some horrible abdominal pains that felt like I was in labor again. A few EKGs, CTs of my chest and abdomen, and a US of my organs led to nothing (basically). They did find some infection from my urinary system and gut, so I had some horrible antibiotics to treat both of those.

As I was finishing the antibiotics, I catch Isaiah's cold which immediately turns into a horrible painful sinus infection. Seriously.

All this and I've come to a conclusion. I'm just no good at being sick. It seems when other people get sick, they can still function, walk, eat, talk. When I get sick, I just have to lay there. It's horribly boring, and depressing. It's almost been 3 weeks or basically bed rest. I feel horrible for Tyler, he's taken on so much by caring for the boys 100% of the time. I'm so blessed by the family and friends we've had surrounding us though. Taking care of our boys when they can, bringing many meals, and more. It's just another testament to how God really is caring for us.

That's something that's very hard for me to see in times like this. How God is answering prayers and caring for me even when it feels I'll never be well again. I'll admit any kind of sickness has me on the edge of despair. I'm full of anxiety and dread as I truly believe I'm dying. It's silly, but it's real. I feel like God's trying to speak to me during this sickness and I'm still trying to understand what he's trying to say. I do know that He's telling me He loves me even though I'm going through this. It's something I always struggle with, trusting God. It's frustrating because I KNOW there is a part of me that trusts him with everything and that trusts him so much. But then there's this very real part of me that has such a hard time trusting him. I have a hard time differentiating between that.

I will continue to build my relationship with my God though, because how can you truly trust someone that you don't have a close relationship with? I'm trying to focus on positive things in my life while trying to bring my worrying thoughts down to reality's level. Prayers appreciated!